I Am Tony Soprano

I don’t know when it happened exactly but I have turned into Tony Soprano. (Lucky for me, the trophy wife likes the show and stories about “families”.) No, I did not move to New Jersey, open an adult entertainment establishment, or surround myself with people who would do my bidding for me. 

I have gained about 26 pounds since my back operation and about 13 since I vowed to loose weight while I was off for the month of July.  I’m going to blame my back for part of my weight woes, stress for some of it…with the no job, new house, fear I have.  The rest I blame on loving to eat.  13 years ago I weighed what I weigh now and in the span of about 8 months lost 70 pounds.  I even kept it off for about 4 years, slowly it came back. 

So, we have established that like Tony I am not skinny anymore.  Like Tony I love my coffee like I like my women, Italian!  I love espresso.  No little demitasse cups for me though.  3 double shots in a mug and that several times a day.  Unlike Tony and most Italians, I drink mine black no sugar to cover up the rich flavor.  I have an automatic espresso maker on my desk at work and another in the kitchen at home.  Life is too short for bad coffee.

Tony has a Rolex and I wear one like it as well.  Time is too short for an ugly watch.  I usually wear my wedding ring and a watch, no other jewelry.  My students call it my drug dealer watch but I want to show them that you can have nice things and still be a law abiding citizen.  That’s a big problem in this rural area of NC where I teach, not live, they have no role models who have anything except those operating outside the law.  That was one of the reasons I drove my Rolls Royce (too Tony Montana) to school, before I got rid of it, to show that having one doesn’t mean you are rich or criminal.  I always wanted one and now that box has been checked.

As much as I hate to admit it my hair, like Tony’s, is starting to thin.  My full mane of dark brown hair is thinning noticeably.  I will admit that I really don’t care, I’m married and don’t plan ever having to date again so I don’t think I need it to attract someone and if my head gets cold I can wear a hat. 

I got rid of a couple of cars and got a truck like Tony.  I did it because I need something to tow trailers with.  It’s just a nice used truck but I wonder if my inner Tony came out in my decision to get this particular truck.  It is also not exactly like Tony’s because he didn’t have the pickup version but it’s close enough for me.

Then there is the clothes.  While I do not go around in my bathrobe, mainly because at 6’5” I have never had one that was big enough to fit me, I do wear a lot of sweat suits.  Again, not exactly like Tony, mine are mostly Air Force in nature.  Not only are they comfortable, but they also are great for working on cars because they have no buttons or zippers to scratch the paint.  I dress to impress the people I need to impress…no one, though I do have to wear slacks and a collared shirt to school.

Like Tony, I have a few guns, 2 kids, though both of ours are boys, (yeah us!), love prosciutto, and also sleep in my (TMI)…now if I only had a couple of hundred grand stashed in the ceiling like he did….